Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Monday, 25 November 2013

US and Overseas My Sad Cat Calendar

Now, ATTENTION OVERSEAS FANS! You too, can have a My Sad Cat calendar. The calendar is still £8.95 but with £5 P&P (approx $22.50 and 16.70). We will do our absolute best to get this to you as soon as possible but due to it being around Christmas, please allow a bit of time for delivery. Thanks for your patience in us getting this up and running. Please use this button instead of the one for UK customers.

US and Overseas customers ONLY

Sorry for the delay to all who have been waiting but here we are, ready to have The Bear seeing you through every month of 2014!

You can, of course, also buy the new @MYSADCAT book here.

My Sad Cat Calendar - UK

So, it's finally here! After careful consideration the My Sad Cat calendar has been created from the most popular and loved posts from The Bear's twitter account.

click to enlarge

The 2014 My Sad Cat calendar is a stapled 12 month view booklet, each side being A4. Every month has a photo with a popular My Sad Cat tweet underneath. 

The calendars are priced at £8.95 with £2 P&P for UK buyers. US and Overseas buyers, there is a blog post above this one for you!

UK Buyers ONLY

Orders will be sent out in bulk on certain dates. Any orders received before an announced send-out date will all be sent on that day. This will be made clear on the Sad Cat twitter page and dates will be dictated by the amount sold. Any questions or queries please tweet Tom, The Bear or comment here.

Sorry for the delay to all who have been waiting but here we are, ready to have The Bear seeing you through every month of 2014!

You can, of course, also buy the new @MYSADCAT book here.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Guest Reader's Cat Of The Week: Zorro


Zozo. Bubblebutt (which I can tolerate when said affectionately in private, but hate, when said in front of company).

Theme tune?
When I catch my reflection I can't help hearing Steven Tyler's voice singing "Every time when I look in the mirror, all those lines on my face getting clearer".


There is Nira, who is incredibly tuned into my every mood, need and desire. She knows when i want to play or be cuddled. She is aware of the interplay between my constant craving for food and my vanity/body image issues. She knows that I struggle with internet use, often going online to educate myself, only to end up overspending on my favourite shopping sites.  She can tell that I struggle with my uncertainty over how best to fulfill my role as the family cat. She notices my tough facade and my inner fears. There is Len, who is completely unaware of my states. He picks me up when the urge strikes him, he grabs my paws despite my biting him, and he sometimes wraps my head in a kitchen towel and says I've got a starring role in Yentl. I put up with him. There is the kid, Stav. He used to play with me, but is now a teen and completely self-absorbed. The advantage is that I can trick him into feeding me after I have already eaten once because he isn't paying attention. I like his lap during long video game sessions, although sometimes the games are too upsettingly realistic.

Brief biography?
Nira stumbled upon me one day at the back of a pet food store, in a big cage with about 10 other homeless kittens. She was shopping for toys to try and stimulate the other recent rescue cat that showed up in the backyard and didn't leave. He is my buddy Jack. The toys didn't help him. He's a simple minded fellow. He is only interested in going outside, which he does daily, on a leash. He returns with all sorts of unusual smells. I have never been outside except for short visits to the vet and one longer visit for my emergency sex change, 3 years ago. Since then, I have been practicing Mindfulness to accept my gender ambiguity. 

"I think it's time to eat."

Favourite habits?
Eating. Licking Nira to wake her up so she can feed me. Walking over her, back and forth. Pretending I haven't been fed. Beginning to beg for food by banging my bowl 2 hours before meal time. I like my weekly mani-pedi, as it pays me a kibble per claw. Lying across keyboard, book or newspaper. Drinking out of peoples' water glasses when they aren't looking. Killing catnip toys. Hiding from imagined dangers. Talking to the birds in the backyard birdbath.

Perfect evening?
Food, followed by a stint on a lap while watching the "Dog Whisperer" or any nature show about birds. After TV I like to go have snacks. Nira taught me to "sit", "stay" and catch food in mid air. I submit because it clearly gives her a great deal of pleasure, and I will do anything for food.  

Favourite food?
I love my mix of expensive "Indoor Light" and "Urinary Health" food. I also love to lick plates in the sink when I can get away with it. I've even been caught making off with cooked broccoli.

Defining moment?
Recently someone who saw my photo suggested I may be a Norwegian Forest cat. I googled it and couldn't believe there was a cat who looked just like me! What a boost to my self image after such humble beginnings with those pedestrian hyperactive kittens at the back of that dingy shop. I have gotten quite a big head over it.

I hate Marcel the vet. He said I was fat. I just thought I was big boned. I like to terrorize the neighbour dog, Kirby, when he visits. I whack him in the head. He is so afraid that he won't come in unless his owner carries him inside.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
A bowl of food in every room.

Which celebrity would you most like to meet?
Cesar Millan, because I love his show and want to boss around all the dogs.
Tom Cox, because he seems like a softie and I think I could wrap him around my paw.

Which of the cats in Under The PawTalk To The Tail and The Good, The Bad And The Furry would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?
I think I have the most in common with Ralph as he shares my narcissistic traits, although I think I am more intellectual. Hopefully, we wouldn't be stuck in the lift long enough for him to bore me. The Bear would trigger my angst and we would just bring each other down.

Sunday, 17 November 2013

Miniature Bear and Ralph lookalikes

If some Japanese scientists had designed miniature versions of The Bear and Ralph, I don't think they could have come up with anything better than Sutekh and Osiris, two cats recently rescued by Sharon Morley, a reader of my books from Huddersfield.

Monday, 11 November 2013

My New Microchip Catflap

Apparently my new microchip catflap can store the chip numbers of up to 32 cats. Can't help being intrigued about the conversation between the manufacturers that led to this, during the catflap's creation. "Yep: I think 32 is the number. Everyone knows having 32 cats is ok. But 33? That's just WEIRD."

Monday, 21 October 2013

The Bear and Biscuit's Last Goodbye

I'm moving house tomorrow. This means that The Bear, my oldest cat, will be parted forever from his unrequited Last Of The Summer Wine love interest, Biscuit. As those who've read my cat books will know, Biscuit is the Nora Batty to The Bear's Compo: a grumpy elderly lady cat owned by my nextdoor neighbours, Deborah and David, who doesn't suffer fools gladly, and who, for many years, The Bear has unsuccessfully attempted to woo, mostly by staring mournfully at her with his nose pressed up against nextdoor's kitchen window. The other day, I received the following message from David:

"I just went downstairs, as Biscuit was making a racket. The Bear, who we haven't seen for weeks, was on the other side of the window, clearly making one last heroic effort to say his goodbyes. I got there just in time to see him forlornly slope off as the one true love of his life scratched disdainfully from the other side of the window pane, and with a flick of her paw, dismissed him for possibly the last time."

A pie chart I made about sleep and cats

Extracted from The Good, The Bad And The Furry: Life With The World's Most Melancholy Cat And Other Whiskery Friends

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Guest Reader's Cat Of The Week: Alan (who lives next-door)


Mister Man
Little Sod
Alan Balls

Theme Tune?
I am the Walrus

2 years, maybe less.

I don’t have owners, I have staff.

Brief biography?
I was a tiny kitten, who turned up one day, refused to go away, and then grew to the size of a modest bungalow. I was repeatedly mistaken for my younger brother Graham, but he has since gone travelling.

I’m twice the cat you’ll ever be.

Favourite Habits?
Scratching, eating, going mental at exactly 4:30 every bloody night, pissing everywhere.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
Eating, snoozing, eating, snoozing, eating, and then, if there’s time, some snoozing.

Favourite food?
I eat it too quickly to notice.

Defining moment of your life?
Being scandalously mistaken for my younger brother, for which there was only one, curtain based, remedy.

Any enemies?
I am currently in an uneasy coalition with Miss G Biscuit, the better to combat the evil cat empire next door.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?
Food pit stops established every 50 yards along common routes.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
The following, so that I might listen and learn from their wise, prophetic words:
Cat Stevens – “When my little kitty gets out, there's gonna be a party”
Moggie Sugden – “I ought to ring my neighbour and ask her to look in on my pussy
Miaow Tse-tung - “To read too many books is harmful”

I know this is a weird question, as you have met the culprits in person, but, had you not done, and only read about them in the books, which one of the cats in Under The PawTalk To The Tail and The Good, The Bad And The Furry would you like to be stuck in a lift with?
I have attention deficit disorder, and therefore have unfortunately not been able to get to the end of that very long question. Ooh look, what’s that over there? Sorry, what did you say?

The Good, The Bad And The Furry - featuring more about Alan - is published 

The Good, The Bad And The Furry is published today!

Order The Good, The Bad And The Furry  from Waterstones.

Order The Good, The Bad And The Furry from amazon.

Order The Good, The Bad And The Furry from Kobo.  

Sunday, 6 October 2013

Guest Writer's Cat Of The Week: Mr Pussy, owner Of Spitalfield's Life's The Gentle Author

Mr Pussy

They call me 'Rosemary' as a tease sometimes -  it is the name my first owner gave me as a kitten when she thought I was girl. Hence the gender confusion.

Theme Tune? 
Maybe it's Because I'm a Londoner...


My first owner was a kind old lady called Valerie who loved gardening, and since her demise I live with the next generation.

Brief biography? 
Born in Mile End, then five years in Devon catching rabbits and moorhens, but now back in the East End for good.

In the midst of life I woke to find myself living in an old house beside Brick Lane in the East End of London

Favourite Habits? 
Perching on a window sill and looking down imperiously. Licking up fresh running water in the sink. Sitting in patches of sunlight.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you? 
Stretched out before the wood-burning stove in an insensible stupor of warmth.

Favourite food? 
I am partial to licking chicken liver pate off a finger.

Defining moment of your life?
The death of my mistress Valerie seven years ago. I search for her everyday and still live by the routine that I established with her. I have not given up hope she might come back. Like Hamlet, I wear my black coat in eternal mourning.

Any enemies? 
A Staffordshire Terrier by the name of Trigger that lives nearby.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines what would it be?
Tell everyone to sit still.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why? 
William Shakespeare, because we share an instinctive appreciation of the lonely poetry of the night.

Which one of the cats in Under The PawTalk To The Tail and The Good, The Bad And The Furry  would you like to be stuck in a lift with? 
Unquestionably it would be the Bear. I recognise a soulmate there, as one who instinctively understands the melancholy poetry of life.

The Gentle Author's London Album, a magnificent hardback album of more than 600 pictures of London appearing in print for the first time, is published on 17th October

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

The Bear, clearly ECSTATIC to finally have his face on a book cover

The Good, The Bad And The Furry.

NSFW: Some of the best swearing Shipley has done in the last week

"Lap up my peppered ballstick."

"Massive archives of steaming cheese."

"Fuckleberry Finn."

"Dribbly adventures with amazing jam."

"Spermy twigsticks."


"Mother of spunk!"

"Wax my downstairs whiskers."

"Pan-fried dongle journeys."

"Whispery twits."

Some more swearing Shipley has done recently.

And some more.

Read more about Shipley's foulmouthed ways in The Good, The Bad And The Furry.