Friday, 24 April 2015

CAT REPORT, 24.4.2015

CAT REPORT Cat 1: Messing up duvet. Cat 2: Asleep in a drawer. Cat 3: Meowing at a bin. Cat 4: Doing clerical work. OVERALL CAT RATING: 2/10

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The Good, The Bad & The Furry - now finally published in America and Canada!

Order The Good, The Bad & The Furry from amazon US.

Order The Good, The Bad & The Furry from Barnes & Noble.

Read a sample from the book.

Monday, 20 April 2015

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Telltale Signs That Your Cat Might Be Overgrooming

  1. Cat comes in with old spider webs and moss and twigs stuck to its fur, but in a way that seems a bit too studied and deliberate.
  2. Cat cannot go outside without being dissed and called a meowtrosexual by rough feral cats. 
  3. Bathroom sink often flecked with loose whiskers/tiny pairs of tweezers.
  4. Cat begins to catch fewer mice, due to noticing its reflection in windows on way to catch mice and stopping to check itself out.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

A Year In The Life Of A Rehabilitated Stray Cat

March 2014
I move from Norfolk to Devon. Within a matter of days, I realise that a stray ginger and white cat is living somewhere behind this bush in my new garden. I name him Darren.

April 2014
Darren begins to spend a lot of time in the area immediately surrounding the house, meowing and staring in through the windows. Realising that he's a different character than I first took him for, and that his meow sounds like he's saying "Geeeeooorge", I name him George. My four cats seem mostly okay with him, except my elderly, lifelong pacifist cat The Bear, who, in a wildly uncharacteristic freak out, goes a bit "kung fu" on George.

May 2014
After much perseverance, and leaving a lot of snacks out for him, George and I become friends, at a distance.

May 2014
I lure George into the house. His guard immediately drops and he begins to purr. We go to see the vet, who removes George's balls, attends to his cuts, ear mites and scratches and tests him for FIV. Admirably, George seems to hold none of this against me.

June 2014
George begins to sleep on me every evening and follow me around all day. We also try to recreate 1967 San Francisco together in our spare time.

July 2014
George puts on weight and develops a glossier coat. He climbs trees, sleeps on sofas, listens to stoner rock and drinks wine but, despite his neutered status, continually tries to have sex with my female cat, Roscoe. Roscoe begins to spend a lot of time at the pub.

August 2014
George and The Bear put their previous differences aside and become friends.

September 2014
George and I start to go on country walks together.

October 2014
After my mum and dad's cat Floyd is killed by a car, George - whose differences with Roscoe have proved to be irreconcilable - goes to live with them in Nottinghamshire. He is a bit down and scared at first, and my mum reports that he is "missing me terribly" (I want to believe this but cannot be sure), but he soon settles in.

December 2014
I visit George (and my mum and dad) for Christmas. He seems to be very happy, but also, quite possibly, stoned.

March 2015
George, now truly settled at my mum and dad's house, falls in love with their neighbour's cat, Casper.


You can read more about George in this Guardian column I wrote and in this follow-up column. I've also written George's full story in my new book, Close Encounters Of The Furred Kind, which is published in October and is the follow-up to my previous book The Good, The Bad & The Furry.